sigh....

well...just had an argument with nick just now...after blogging a super long blog.finally i'm feeling a tad better....sumtimes just wonder to myself...how do i know if a person will really love and care for me for the rest of my life besides my parents? how do i know if nick's the ONE? how do i know if he'll be the same 10 yrs down the road? how do i know if he'll still care and love me as much 10 yrs later?i'm this paranoid gal...izit a teenage thing or was it me? i wanted to know for sure tat i made a right choice...but will i have the courage to change the way things are now? do i wanna be single again? will i be better off or worse off? when it comes to things liddat..sumtimes i wish there's a formula to it.....of course i hope that this r'ship could last for the rest of my life...but the prob is...will it? and how can he make me feel secure about sharing the future with him? and gave my whole life to him? when it comes to things like this...i'm too afraid to make a mistake tat can costs my happiness forever...and i wouldnt want to end a r'ship that might have a brighter end to it than it might seems...its so damn true tat r'ship is so hard to maintain...its easy to get into a r'ship but it takes hell lot of effort to make it work...other couples might seems to be taking it easy...he might envy their type of r'ship where u do ur thing and i do my thing.....envy the guy's freedom....but look at their r'ship...most of them is fruitless......how many of them last more than 3 yrs? and r u sure they dont have their ups and downs as well? am i too young to go thru the gruesome process?my life is just too full of bullshit and ????........sigh.......
well...one thing though..i shud be grateful tat i'm not one of the tsunami victims.......therefore my probs are too pale in comparison...well...i guess i can see some signs of him changing for the better SOMETIME..but i yet to see his effort......the only thing i notice the most is tat he complains whenever i gave ,my comment...tat i'm nagging n i'm controlling...am i tat irritating? my 2cents is TAT worthless to him? does he even stop in his tracks and think why would i nag or comment so much if everything is smooth sailing and he's doin watever he's supposed to do agressively? like a young man of his age? i thought he's an ambitious young man..a hardworking one...with visions of his future so bright and full of hope...i kinda caught up with his flow and i guess sumtimes my judgement about sumone can be wrong and i can easily be decieved by words...i hope tat one day he'll realise wut i'm doin and the purpose of it..at this moment..i'm willing to take the blame..and from my experience....they'll just hate u more and more...tink tat ur a nuisance...but once they're sucessful...its none of ur business...u wont be recognised for wut u did...but i'll be waiting for dat day and hopefully it'll come..ONE DAY...and hope tat i dun wind up like those poor rich aunties where they support their husbands without complaining...go thru the hardshipnhand in hand and finally when the husband made it big and struck rich...they forgot about their wives..the things the do and go thru together and sudd realise how unattractive they are now since they've suffered with him thru the sleepless nights and hardship and grew old...they'd find mistresses and their poor wives is unrecog....for this...i do put a lil faith in him for NOT doing sumthing like this....sigh